Honesty, dishonesty and too much disclosure?

The subject of honesty has come up in several different guises of late. Most people would, if asked, say that they are not dishonest. However, with the British stiff upper lip and “mustn’t grumble” approach we often hide feelings and thoughts, especially in the workplace. At a recent workshop on leadership, we were encouraged to be more honest in our dealings with partner organisations. As money gets tight, the “elephant in the room” with a group of statutory bodies and/or third sector organisations can often be money, where all organisations play a defensive game to protect their own staff. One leader of a public sector organisation said that she wanted to be more honest in meetings with partners.  

It is well known that many young people are now choosing to reveal large portions of their lives in great detail for the world to read. Is this too much disclosure? Many feel that it is. However, some may give a very censored view of the world – talking about all the great parties that they have been to, the friends they have made, but not the anguish they are feeling. When some young people look at the social media of others, they believe that everyone else is having a good time but them.

I have chosen not to regularly use Facebook or other social media to share my private life. Instead, to keep up with various friends around the world, I prefer the very outmoded Christmas Letter. Various people have expressed different opinions on how to write a letter. One person didn’t want to put in that his mother had dementia – people want to hear good news at Christmas, he believes. Another acquaintance said the opposite - he didn’t like letters full of happy events only - news about expensive holidays, house extensions and achieving children – since it left him feeling inadequate. 

When it comes to children, people often write about all the positive things about their children, sounding like they are bragging, but on the other hand, if one of your children is having difficulties, it may not be a good service to the child to tell the world about their problems, especially given that the child may read it themselves.

Overall, I think the world could do with more honesty, more honesty about thoughts and feelings, both concerns and also positive feelings when things go right. This is particularly true in face to face meetings, which are, perhaps, different from our broadcast communication from the world. I have had two "honest" conversations recently where I considered which route to take and chose in the end to be direct. The scenarios are still working themselves through, so I cannot say whether my path has worked yet, but I certainly felt better afterwards for having been honest with the person rather than hiding my opinions and feelings. 

So, my challenge to you this week is to reflect on your own honesty. Are you putting up a front with someone, when underneath your thoughts and feelings are very different? Would honesty be the best policy? How do you want to shape the moral compass of young people in your life when it comes to honesty?